


Pain

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: BDSM, Blood, Bruises, CNC, Choking, Concussions, Desperation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fighting, Fighting Kink, Graphic Description, Hurts So Good, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Masochism, Masturbation, Morality changing, Morality shifting, Rape/Non-con - Freeform, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sadism, Sadomasochism, Sex, Sexual Intercourse, Sexual Violence, So Wrong It's Right, beatings, blood stains, breath play, mentions of BDSM, scratches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There's a pain Steven dares not to name....
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 35
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yo this is pretty fucked, read at your own discretion, but also if you really wanna read this try to check out my playlist on YouTube titled Pain - SU Ideas Playlist. It's my personal playlist I used to help me write this, and I think it helps add to the fucked up experience a lot. If you can't find it, you can copy and paste the url text here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLy3kYdIobak-X7bfGK7u8T4t-fPfGlPHe

There’s a pain Steven cannot describe. 

It’s not like he doesn’t know what the pain may be though, afterall the boy has been through pain of all kinds: the pain of never knowing his mother, the pain of having to fight countless of gem battles, the pain of having to struggle to figure out how to help heal the past monstrosities that was corrupted gems, the pain of nearly losing his gem family countless, _countless_ of times. No, he knows what pain this is. But he dare not name it, for he did not have the heart to admit to himself what kind of pain it was...even to himself. It’s the tug of heart racing adrenaline that pulls at his heart. It’s the intoxicating release of endorphins that helps him get through the end of a really hard day, when he’s all alone in his room and needs a release. It’s the sharp sting of a cut, the burning hiss of wax hitting his skin, the numbing cold of an ice cube, the craving to release his darkest wants onto himself.

He knows what this pain is. But he dare not name it.

Granted, he can name it in the middle of the night. He whispers what he’s doing to himself as he pours the wax onto his begging skin, or cuts himself with a sharp, beautiful shining knife that he keeps underneath a floorboard under his bed in a small box that he bubbles every time he’s done using it. He’s become addicted to this pain. The relieving ecstasy that was allowing himself to let everything out, to pour out his heart onto himself in a painful cycle. But he loves it, because it’s _his_ cycle. It’s something that he himself fully consents to, that he himself can stop, and control, and use to his advantage. He isn’t harming anyone when he does this, except himself. So as long as he keeps this pain on his body alone, he can’t hurt anyone with his pain. His own special pain. At least, that’s what he thought until he met her.

She was different. She too went through a very devastating pain related to his mother, but she was different in another way. He noticed how she pulled at her own hair, punched her own head, stained her own cheeks with permanent mascara scars. 

She’s just like him. He knows it. 

It was him who approached her about it, him that asked her casually if she was willing to use him to release her own pain on him.

He isn’t harming anyone else. Only himself, and it’s a pain he can stop, and control, and use to his advantage. 

They went to the arena Pearl used to train Connie to use her sword so long ago, only it was dark, in the middle of the night, the soul source of light being the moon and the stars, which illuminated the two of them. Only the sky could see what was about to unfold.

Meanwhile Spinel, bless her gem, didn’t know exactly what was about to unfold. Steven just nonchalantly called her in the middle of the night, using the communicator from the Diamond base, asking for her to come back to earth mere days after she left him. After she learned how to deal with her own pain. 

Steven said to her, “So how is it like with the Diamonds? Are they treating you well?”

Spinel had blinked, only replying “Yeah, they’re treating me great. I wasn’t expecting you to call me so soon though, is everything ok? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”

“No, no! You’re perfectly fine Spinel, it’s just that....” Steven had glanced down to the ground, his expression shifting into something Spinel never saw before before he continued, “I noticed that while you were here, you pulled on your own hair a lot and stuff. I was wondering if you were still doing that?”

“Oh! That....right, um.....” Spinel had looked down guiltily, sadness softened her eyes as she trailed her eyes onto the ground.

“....I honestly didn’t think you would notice that, but in hindsight I guess it can be pretty obvious. Yeah, I pull my hair whenever I’m nervous or upset. I’m pretty sure it happened again at least once during the last few days. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I have a plan that I think could help the both of us. Do you think you can warp back here? I think I know a way that could not only help you, but me as well.”

And with that, Spinel had come here, Steven took her hand, and then used the beach house warp pad to take them to this huge, strange place. It was filled with debris and ruins, very clearly used in the past to host fights. Spinel became kinda scared, her breathing became quicker as she looked around frantically, holding her hands together over her gem as a string of thoughts played like a broken record in her mind,

_’Is he going to fight me? Is he sure I didn’t do something wrong? Why did he bring me here?’_

“Spinel I.....I know the kind of pain you put yourself through. The self harm you do. But I want you to know, the pain can be _good_.”

“......What? This doesn’t sound like something _you_ of all people should say.”

“There’s more to me than just wanting to be there for everyone, you know. Sometimes you need to do things for yourself...” Steven looked down at his hands, his open palms facing him. You wouldn’t know this unless you really squinted, but there were burn marks on his fingertips from last night’s indulgence.

“When I was a kid, I hated admitting this. But the truth is, everyone needs their own self care sometimes. You can’t constantly spend all of your energy on others, because eventually it’ll all run out. You need to find an outlet, a way to give yourself a release from the stresses you may face on a day to day basis. So I’m here to try to show you a new way you yourself can use to release your stresses and anxieties and your worries, all of that and more. Spinel I....”

Steven looked up again at the perplexed gem, looking at her with the same face she saw over the Diamond intercom.

A face mixed with lust and excitement.

“I want you to punch me like you did back when we first fought.”

Spinel flinched back, as if she was hit by his words, her body language betraying the very clear fear that was tingling her entire body. Her heart raced, her gem looking like it was pounding underneath her hands. 

“This is a trick. Steven please, don’t try to trick me like this. I can take my fair trade of sick jokes but this doesn’t even feel like a joke-!”

“-Because I’m not joking.” Steven’s expression shifted to be more serious as he saw how his request affected her, some guilt clumped into a lump at the bottom of his stomach as he straightened up, his hands went in his pockets.

“Spinel, please. I know this sounds messed up but, I promise once you get into it you’ll feel good. _Really_ good. All I’m trying to do here is to get us both to feel good.”

“I.....I.....” Spinel took a step back, trembling as she started lifting her arms up.

“Does this mean you felt _good_ when I fought you? Does this mean that after everything I’ve done to you, I never even affected you in a negative way?”

Steven knew the answer to these questions would all be no. That fight qualified under all of the other traumatic events in his life. But at the same time, he saw a glimmer of hope in Spinel’s eyes as she asked. She was begging for this, begging for him to quell what ate her up on the inside the most about what she did to him. So, even though he felt a cold twist go up his spine as he said this, he hoped himself that the end of the story is this would be the right thing to say:

“Yes.”

Something in Spinel broke when he said that. Something in her shifted, woke up, and stood up inside her when he said that one word. The tingles of fear turned into something else, tingles of....excitement.

“I-I think I get it now....” Spinel put her hands back down at her sides, bowing her head down as she nodded a little.

“You don’t want to be hurt, you want me to....” Spinel looked up suddenly, the sharp movement of her head causing Steven to flinch.

“Help you feel good again. And it in turn will help _me_ feel good again.”

A sick, twisted smile spread itself onto Steven’s lips as Spinel echoed his own words he already said to her, moving to a fighting stance as he nodded back, confirming her thoughts yet again.

Spinel started giggling. The giggling heightened, until she started laughing. The laughing transformed into something terrifying, absolute howls of insanity ridden laughter as she aimed her head up at the sky, unsure what this new intoxicating feeling in her form was. She felt a pleasing tingle go through her gem, her head feeling light and nearly faint as she embraced the insanity of her own feelings, as she started to lose her breath with how much she was laughing.

Then, all at once, she snapped back down to earth, in front of Steven, in front of what she was about to face. What she now _wanted_ to face. In the blink of an eye, she punched Steven, her fist catapulting across the ruin filled area, landing a good blow right to his jaw. 

Steven let himself fall back, feeling himself slam into another pillar before plummeting back down to the ground. He laid there limp for a second, his eyes staying closed as he opened his mouth to taste his lips. There was blood trailing down them. The metallic taste made the rest of his pain fade away, and all of a sudden all he cared about was getting _more_ blood to taste. Before he knows it Spinel grabs Steven by the collar of his shirt, yanking him towards her. His head felt like it was swimming in clouds, too high up and too far away for him to think. All of his senses are heightened, his cravings for tonight all bare for Spinel to see on his sleeve. He opened his eyes again, only to see Spinel’s own spiraled and only focused on his face. She’s watching him, trying to find out if he was ready for more pleasure. Steven shivered at the non-verbal communication, the fact that she still had enough common sense about her to wait for him made him even more eager, more desperate for her to bring him his beloved pain some more. He found himself doing something though, something he has never done before nor has ever thought about doing before.

Steven moved his hands to Spinel’s shoulders, pulling her in and kissing her. 

The gesture was so fast, so sudden, Spinel froze at first. It was Steven’s first kiss, and it was Spinel’s first gesture of human attention she was ever given. But, she didn’t even know what the significance of this was just yet, and instead of pulling back to ask what Steven was doing, she used her teeth to bite down on Steven’s bottom lip, hard. She tasted the red stuff that came out of him every time she hurt him, only spitting it back in Steven’s face after he suddenly pulled away. The bite itself split Steven’s lip, the sharp impact causing such an intense sensation he instinctively pulled back, flinching away from the mind broken gem he just kissed as he covered his mouth with his hands, only to find more blood that spilled out onto them. Steven moaned at the sight of his own blood, excitedly licking it up off his hands and then lickied up all of the blood around his mouth and the constant stream from his lips, feeling the warm liquid practically pool in his mouth. Steven quickly went to wipe up the spot where Spinel spat out the blood onto him, licking that up as well, until he remembered where the original spit came from and looked back to Spinel, who was watching him in morbid fascination. She was confused, wondering if the red stuff tasted good, and wanted to see why Steven was being so eager to taste it. So she pulled him back in again to her lips, forcefully, using the tip of her tongue to dig into the split lip so she can get a taste of some of the blood.

A pleasant shiver went though Steven as he felt her tongue all over his lips, and he, very shakily, moved one of his stained hands to Spinel’s cheek. The moonlight shined down on them from the darkness as Spinel had her first taste of human blood, and she decided she liked the rusty and metallic taste. She sucked onto Steven’s lip, trying to draw out more of it, practically eating it clean. Steven felt like he was feeding a vampire, her sick desires and demands now his own as he soaked up as much of this new attention as he could. He’s never felt something like this with someone else, let alone had them willing do what his sick heart wants, so he couldn’t help but want to do anything he can back to return the favor Spinel was providing him. So he let her continue sucking his lip dry, all the while he rubbed her cheek with his thumb, giving her a small stain of blood. Spinel didn’t stop until the bleeding did, drawing back from Steven for a moment when she saw the blood was sucked clean.

Spinel pulled back again sharply when she couldn’t taste any blood, the boy she held captive gasped and nearly choked at the new intake of air he could get again, reminding her that she likely prevented him from breathing, but she didn’t care. She used her hand that wasn’t keeping Steven from moving away from him to grab onto his lip, trying to get out more blood, only to frustratingly find that there was no more blood that could be provided from that wound. So she tsked, slamming Steven down below her onto the cold marble ground, finding satisfaction in the hard _thump_ that came from Steven’s skull. Steven though, should be feeling regret. He should be begging spinel to stop this insanity, he should be trying to stop what he started.

_But he isn’t. And he doesn’t want to._ _  
_

His ears rung and his ragged and unsteady breathing only scattered from making any sort of normal pattern as he felt Spinel move her hand to his throat, moving down to keep her knees in between his body, holding him captive in her grasp. She’s giggling again, a sharp and shrill sound that pierces Steven’s ears, and he was at her complete mercy. He realizes, it’s _far_ too late to stop what he started. This is, after all, one of the most unstable and powerful gems he has ever faced, and he was the one that brought her to a safe place for her to heal again. Yet here she is again, in front of him, because he chose to bring her out of the light he put her in. He only dragged her right back down to be with him, just so he can draw out the sadistic villain in her he caused to come back out every time he tried to help her to be better. This is all his fault. All for this pain he dare not name.

He might as well see where it sends him next.

He hisses as he brings his hands down in between him and Spinel, one of his hands grabbing in between his legs and the other grabbing for the gem’s own pants. She hissed at him, not quite getting what he was doing but could only assume it was because he was still seeking for more pleasure from this pain she was providing him. So she let him grab at her, let him grab at himself, until she decided if he just wants to bring the two of them friction she should just give him what he wants, and see what happens. So she yanks the pair of hands away from in between their legs, slams them down over his head so hard it causes a crack to form right above his head, and for her final planned move she puts her crotch down on his. The effect was almost immediate, and she watched as he howled out in pain because of her most likely severely damaging of his hands, and from pleasure as she brushed up against something hard and wet in between his pants. He starts screaming incoherently, begging for something she had never heard of before, and she only squinted her eyes at him in a death glare as she snarled at the pathetic noises he was making.

Steven was absolutely begging, _pleading_ for his dominant gem to give him some sort of release, some sort of pleasure to help him with his pain. But she didn’t know what to do, and he knew that. He never wanted to do this, but he was left with no choice. The boy had to verbalize what to do for Spinel and himself.

“S-Spinel please! Please, y-you need to take off both of our pants, and you need to create a warm and tight hole in between your legs, for me to stick something that’s between my own legs in it! It’ll really give me all kinds of pleasure, and in return I’ll do anything you want, _anything!_ ”

The only movement from Spinel as Steven talks is the move of her mouth, no longer upturn and snarling and merely looking unimpressed and unamused. Her eyes remain on Steven’s face as she feels him struggle against her hold against his neck and his wrists, the same hard thing in between his legs seemingly moving on its own like it’s trying to meet her. Of course, he’s only trying to use her as his personal toy. Just like his fucking mother.

Spinel could only growl at that thought, the sudden outburst making Steven outright jump for the second time that night out of pure fear. He can feel his dick twitching, outright begging for attention more than he has ever felt before, and the desperation was making his eyes cloud over with his lust and needs. He fucking shivers as Spinel slowly leans down, keeping that same bone chilling look on her face as it blurs out of his vision, his wide eyes still followed her slow movement to his ear anyway as she whispers one word and one word alone:

_“Anything?”_

Steven starts to cry as soon as she says this. It’s like this mentality of his shifted, and he found himself suddenly regretting everything that he did that made her get to this point. But he’s still too deep, far too deep...and he only wants to go deeper **inside of her.**

“...... **Anything.** ”

Steven whispered right back, stopping his struggles completely to stay still just for that confirmation.

“Then tell me you’re now **mine.** ”

“I am.”

“Tell me that I can **use** you however I please.”

“You can.”

Spinel moved her head back, her gem and eyes now glowing with rage and sadistic desire as she looked at Steven right into his trembling and tear filled eyes.

“Tell me that I am now…. **_your Diamond_ ** .”

Steven gasps at her words, then finds himself choking as she squeezes his windpipe, **hard**. She’s no longer someone he’s controlling to get what he wants. He underestimated her, so, SO damn much. She’s nothing that can be controlled, or maintained. If you give this girl something new, then she will take it and run with it and use it until it’s poison destroys an entire planet. He should have known, he should have fucking known. 

Then…

 _Why does he still not want it to stop?_ _  
_

_Why does he still want to follow her and her words, her demands, her very whims?_

_Why….  
  
_ “......Yes My Diamond.”

Spinel released her grip on Steven’s throat, allowing him the air he needed to still live, and he gasped and choked and sputtered hard as he felt his lungs burn for the air he needed for a while now. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to properly breathe again after this anyway. He looks up at her face, only to see that it broke out into the same twisted grin he had earlier, that grin that tells you if someone thinks they’re in control, that they’re in charge...that they know what they’re doing.

And the terrifying thing is, he knows that she does now.

Spinel shapeshifts out of her pants, then reaches down to completely rip off Steven’s pants, the fabric tearing around Steven’s legs making him tense up as he feared for his life. His vision begins to blur, his heart becoming an unstoppable pounding force of its own as he feels his gem glow in sync with Spinel’s. Their glowing gems, their beating hearts, are together in this. Together in this fear. Together in this intoxicating fear they dare not name.

The boy’s dick is presented to the Diamond, her eyes became half lidded as something in her shifts seeing it. She feels a heat spread in her body as she shapeshifts a hole in between her legs just as Steven asked for, making the inside of it plush and hot. Precisely what he wants of her. Steven outright sobbed as he sees the hole she forms, looking almost like a vagina with the way it slits between her legs, but there was no labia or clit or anything he could use to pleasure her back. In his head he forms a plan to try to please his Diamond, moving his hips upwards and closer to his body to get his dick, which was sticking up, right inside of her. She sinks down on it with no hesitation, the smooth velvety texture inside her providing no resistance. It was, somehow, hot and wet enough to accompany his dick, even if she didn’t intend that to happen. Spinel, as Steven figured she would, followed his hips forwards when she sinks down, and he seizes the chance to lift himself up, licking a hot stripe on her gem which catches her off guard so badly she outright moans. She quickly snaps out of it though, slamming her body down on Steven and mashing his already severely face back onto the marble floor along with his hands, keeping his face stuck on her gem.

“That’s your punishment for doing something without my permission. Your **_Diamond_ ** is very disappointed in you.”

Steven tries to mutter that he’s sorry against her gem, but she only growls, a bone rattling sound that shuts the boy up immediately, as she speaks again, “ **No.** Bad boys like you don’t _get_ to speak. Only _lick._ So do your job, disgusting Hybrid.”

How is she doing that? How does she know how to do this so well already? Steven had no idea, there;s no possible way he could figure that out right now anyway, as he was finally given some sort of task that he can use to show his worth to her while she kept him pinned like this. He follows her orders to a T, licking her gem as passionately and as hotly as he can despite being squished against it. He hears her moan again anyway, the glow on both of their gems intensifying as they both bounce against each other. Spinel has never felt something inside of her like this, but she must admit it isn’t half bad. As a matter of fact, she might just be beginning to enjoy herself. She gets why Steven wanted to do this so badly now. Each strike of the end of the end of her hole made her moan a bit, this combined with the sloppy licking of her sensitive gem was sending her to new levels of pleasure she never dreamed she could have. So to ensure that the boy was feeling as good as she is, she grips onto his wrists harder, pressing them down further into the marble that was heating up, and cracking underneath them. 

Steven was huffing and panting hard because of his own pleasure, so fucking glad his dick was getting what it was begging for at long last, all the while he no longer cared that his Diamond was only fucking him up further by pressing her gem so hard against his face, one of the sharp edges catching on his lip and reopening the split on it right open, blood now pouring in his mouth and on her gem as he continued to lick her. His hands could only curl as her grip on him tightened, her hands nearly feeling like the ropes he fantasized about having on this disgusting skin of his so many times in the past. He can only be where she wants him to be now after all. He’s nothing but _her_ play toy now. Nothing like his mother…

Steven’s ears perked up as he hears Spinel start to growl in between huffs, sensing that she was beginning to build up to something, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t building up to his own climax ever since the first thrust. The movements between them become harsh, unbridaled, feral even, as they both grow outright desperate. Steven releases some grunts and short little growls of his own, his throat long since sore now from all of the choking and crying and screaming he did. He feels the tear marks stain his face and burn into his wounds, and he swears that he will feel that burn for the rest of his life even long after this. The smell of his own blood stayed in his mind, clogged his sense of smell, blurred his own lines of mortality. Everything in him felt twisted, smudged, wrong.

But this pain he cannot name is about to make the two of these twisted individuals cum.

Spinel screamed as she came, a burst of some sort of pink liquid oozing onto Steven’s dick as she clenched around him, hard. The inner muscles of the hole he made for him practically choked his dick out into giving her all of his cum, and he bit into her gem as he spilled his everything into her. Their gems glowed bright enough together to make a light bright enough that would visible all the way up to the moon, their very forms merging together for a moment as Stevne feels a thunder clap of white go through his head as he cums with his Diamond. When he comes back to earth, he hears a piercing scream fill his ears after they stopped ringing from his hard climax, and before he knew it Spinel was lifting him up again, then throwing him back down on the ground hard. She moves her hand onto his neck, and throws him up only to throw him back on the ground.

And she slams him, cursing his name because of how badly biting her gem hurt. And she does it again.

And again. 

And again.

And again.

And again.

Steven’s vision blurs and blackens as he watches Spinel run back to the warp pad, the last thing in his vision and in his mind as he goes unconscious being just Spinel.

Spinel as she screamed while she pounded on the ground to get warped away.

\-----

When Steven awakens again, it’s in the middle of the day. The sun rises high above him, and it shined down the sight of last night’s activities before him. His pants were in shreds around him, the marble ground cracked where Spinel and Steven had an impact in various intensities, Steven’s blood marking the places where it was particularly bad. He got up slowly, ignoring the intense throbbing and screaming in his head as he saw where all of the pillars he crashed into was also marked with his blood. Even the warp pad, which was once completely clean, now had a faint trail of blood where Spinel warped away from him last night. After being satisfied with his notes about his surroundings, Steven looked down at himself to see the damage. His shoes were somehow still intact, not even harmed, but as mentioned earlier his pants did not have the same fate. His legs were clearly marked with the evidence with the taking off of his pants though, random lines of thread and fabrics where they ripped apart visible in faint lines. His penis was red, swollen from the over the top harsh pounding from the unknown insides Spinel used for the hole she created for him. His gem was fine, but still a bit hot to the touch from how brightly it glowed and from how the sun shone down on it while he was unconscious. His shirt and jacket stayed intact, but it was stained with dirt and rubble from all of the tossing around, the top half of his black shirt and even a little bit of his signature yellow star stained from the blood that trailed down from his mouth. His jacket also had faint traces of blood on it, how he could not be sure, but when he took it off to inspect it it was the back of it that had the worst damage. It was stained slightly from blood he shed from the impact of hitting the pillars, hard dirt and pieces of marble practically embedded into the very fabric. 

Steven suddenly realized though if his jacket had his blood, then he must have more damage somewhere else. His breath quickened as he realized he must be in trouble, huge trouble, and he must have damage all over his body. He ran to the warp pad, then hesitated when he thought about teleporting home. Right. His family must be worried sick about him now, since he stayed here all night and it was now late afternoon. Instead he teleported into lion’s mane. Holding his breath, he frantically dug into the treasure chest to find his extra change of clothes and, miraculously, found the handheld mirror that was used to hold Lapis trapped in that he learned that he was able to heal with his spit long ago. He quickly warps right back out, making a mental apology to Lion, before going right back to the battle zone. 

He returns and immediately runs back to where he was, taking off his shirt and leaving on the ground where he left his jacket and then placing down his new change of clothes right next to it, then bringing his full attention to using the reflection on the mirror to view himself closer. He turns to look at his back, seeing long and deep scratches all along the dip of it that was caused by the impact of everything he was slammed into. He also inspected the back of his head, which was shedding some blood too, which would explain his unbearable headache, he must have a concussion. Steven dropped the mirror to then look at his hands when he suddenly remembered how Spinel slammed them down onto the marble ground, only to find the exact same sort of scratches all along the backs of his hands, making his hands so bloody he wondered why in the world he didn’t check them first earlier...wait...if his hands alone are this bad then…..

Steven grabbed the mirror again with both of his shaking hands, petrified of seeing his own face. He gasped when he saw it, seeing just what he feared. His split lip was so bad, it swelled up his entire bottom lip, the drastic cut being the main cause of the blood trail that went all the way down to his shirt. His cheek and the side of his jaw was bruised and cut from the first punch Spinel gave to him, and that was definitely the first wound he tasted blood from. And his neck, on my god his neck, with such scary red and bruised marks showing exactly where Spinel choked him. Finally his eyes, his eyes that were red and bloodshot, with tear stains that trailed all the way down to his chin. Both the wounds were so swollen, so bad...no wonder why Steven was hurting all over. He was fucked up way more than he ever thought he would like to be fucked up, and yet here he was. With all of this damage. All of this evidence laid out before him because of everything he and Spinel did, he knew none of it could hide behind something like the sun.

Steven, sensing his panic, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He recalls what exactly this was all for. All for this pain he dares not name, all for his own pleasure. And now, it was all for hers now...he shivers as her voice echoes in his mind….

 _‘Tell me that I am now…._ **_your Diamond_ ** _.’_ _  
_

She’s...his Diamond? What does that even mean? What did that mean to her, what did that mean to him? Good lord, so many questions tumbled out of his mind quicker then he could get to them, but as he silences his mind by reassuring himself that there may be a day where all of those questions will be answered, he straightened up again as he recalled his healing spit.

\-----

He did it. He has no idea how he did it, but he did it. He spent at least the last hour completely healing himself up, along with getting rid of all of the evidence that the arena held of Spinel and his activities. He got into his change of clothes, and also returned his now dirty and ripped up clothes along with the mirror back into Lion’s mane that he’ll get again later. He’s now on the warp pad, everything that he rehearsed in his mind repeating itself as he presented himself to his family again at his home, his appearance showing he was absolutely fine. As he expected all of his family, including his dad and Connie, were there waiting for him to return and immediately went in to give him a big hug. He smiled warmly and hugged back, greatly appreciating the physical comfort after everything he put himself though, then pulled back to show them all his glowing smile. Pearl asked why he smelled like dirt while his dad asked where he was, and he only replies with what he rehearsed in his head:

“I’m really sorry, guys. You all probably saw this in the gem intercom history but I made a call to Spinel to make sure she was okay, and she was breaking down crying. I decided to go out to the diamond based on the warp pad and comforted her, she was really scared because she was still getting used to all of the Diamonds giving her so much attention. So to help her feel better we went to the Garden, and I helped her by kissing the dirt to give it some pretty flowers. We fell asleep over there by accident, heh. But no worries, everything is ok and I just stayed up too late that’s all.”

At first they were all skeptical of that answer, but then they all accepted it anyway. The alibi was at the very least solid, since they did indeed go through the gem intercom and saw the call to the Diamonds, and as a matter of fact they were about to call the Diamonds again until they saw Steven warp in. Strangely good timing. Steven looked at Garnet at one point, only finding her signature poker face. So she wasn’t letting on if she knew what he did. Fine, he can deal with that and play that denial game, but he hopes that it really is just honest ignorance on her part and she never thought about using her future vision to figure out where he was. Either way, he simply can’t know right now.

For now, all Steven can do now is to heal. Heal from the pain he cannot name.

\-----

Spinel soaked in Blue Diamond’s bath when no one was there, completely out of her clothes as she stayed in, holding onto herself as she watched the red stuff from Steven wash away into the water. Her eyes stayed fixated on the water that was in between her small pink knees that poked out of the water, her collarbone and everything up the only things visible out of the water. The tiny pebbles around her was singing a song, a tiny tune she didn’t recognize, but could only guess that they were making up in a frantic attempt to try to make her feel better. But she wasn’t listening to them, not at all. She was instead focusing on the sensation of the water going in and out of the hole that she shapeshifted, feeling like she didn’t even have a heart to get rid of it. Like it was something new on her, a new part of her she wanted to keep, but she couldn’t explain even in her own mind why that was. With a shaking hand she moves one hand that was wrapped across her chest to delicately touch her upside down gem, only to wince.

Her gem had a tiny chip in it from where Steven bit it. The tiniest little fraction that if not careful, could kill her if she doesn't keep the crack in check.

\-----  
  
After she was sure all of Steven’s blood was out and away from her she shapeshifted out of her clothes, still keeping the hole in between her legs, while she walks into Pink Diamond’s old room that she now calls her own. She calls on the pebbles and whispers something in their ear, and then they give her a small vial of Seven’s healing spit that the Diamond’s now keep on them in case of emergency care that needed to be provided on Homeworld. Spinel placed a tiny drop of the spit on her finger, then delicately pressed it into her gem. It healed. Without any thought thought she takes the entire bottle and drinks it down, feeling her entire body buzz with warmth and a tingling sensation as her gem glowed brightly. When she finished drinking, she could feel the hole in between her legs wetten.

This is a new pain Spinel has never felt before. A pain Steven introduced to her. A pain that she has no idea what its doing to her…  
  
This pain...

Is there a name for it?


	2. The Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after the incident, Steven finds himself craving his pain yet again, only to discover a new fantasy blossoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is like, centuries late but hey college is out for two weeks, might as well take full advantage of it and write

Steven slammed the door behind him, sealing his access to the real world from his beach house. He slowly slid down onto the ground, covering his face with his hands as the day’s stresses hardened the weight he felt on his shoulders. He can take care of so many gems now, _so many gems_ in Little Homeworld and yet they are still so exhausting and stressful to deal with. He’s overwhelmed in every sense of the word, all of his inner muscles feeling like strings that were all about to snap. Not a single gem out there, not even his family, can understand the true stress that they put him under. He’s trying his hardest to act like a adult, to be organized and neat and tidy so he can easily take care of everyone. But he’s still one guy, one hybrid. He can’t be there for everyone all of the time like he wants to be, and that fact tears him up mentally. So instead of dwelling on that, instead of drowning in his mistakes and crying it out like he used to when he was a kid, he goes up into his room. It was time for his ritual to begin.

He locks his door shut, even though the others know not to bother him when he’s in his room, he knows them well enough that if they did need him they would try to get into his room anyway. And well, needless to say he can’t have that right now. He rushes to go under his bed, pulling out one of the weaker wooden floorboards and revealed one of his bubbles. He picked it up gingerly, and unpopped it to give him his box. It was a unassuming box at first, it was black and wooden with no details on it, and it wasn’t particularly small or large. It was just a simple black box with a silver clasp. With a easy flick of his thumb, the box opened up only to reveal a plush deep purple velvet lining, embedded in it being several secret compartments. The first layer of pocketed velvets had his trusty silver knife with a sharp curve at the tip of it, complete with some subtle wavy details engrained in the metal, a solid black leather cover keeping the knife safely encased. Steven sits on his bed, then takes out the knife and places it next to him. He then moves aside the deep purple velvet, only to reveal his tiny stash of red colored tealight candles, a lighter and a single red rope tied together in a loop.

_’Now this,’_ Steven thought, _’is what I need~.’_

He takes off all of his clothes, practically ripping them off of his body, and throws the clothes onto the floor, kicking off his flip flops with them. Steven stands up to inspect his body. His soft skin had no marks on it, just some baby fat and his signature gem nestled right where his navel would be. His dick was already starting to grow from his excitement from what he’s about to do, with pubic hair matching the mess of curls on his head complimenting a happy trail meeting right below his gem. Steven’s perfectly healthy, for now at least.

He lets himself relax into his bed, his plush covers a safety net to fall back onto. Taking a moment to look at the knife, he takes a deep breath and points it against his skin. He starts off with a simple cut, right on his thigh. The cold knife subtly brushed by his balls, making him shiver at the threat of nearly casterating himself. The blood shed begins quickly, the warm liquid causing a oh so familiar sting as it runs down his thigh. He moves up onto his stomach, purposefully aiming for the most fatty part of himself to draw out the most blood. This next cut is deep, aggressive, and it makes Steven let out a short scream and whimper. The cut bleeds heavily, gush after gush of red spilling down his stomach, staining his pink gem. It’s wide and Steven will easily admit that this one went a bit too far, so he rushes to get his candle and his lighter. A idea popped into his head while going to grab it, smiling sickly as he used his lighter to bring the candle to life. He bit his lip in anticipation as he waits for the wax to pool inside of the candle, until something in his mind flickers along with the flame.

_ ‘Tell me that I am now…. ** your Diamond ** .’ _

He drops the candle by accident, his muscles twitching unexpectedly in response to the familiar voice ringing in his head. He screams when he feels the candle wax drop at full force on top of his stomach, the flame of the candle burning out on top of his gem. The pain was unexpected, quick, and made Steven seize up in fear. He screamed again, only this time out of frustration as he felt his own destructive habits get the better of him.

Erm...wait. No. This isn’t destructive, is it?

“Ugh, can’t think that right now.” Steven said out loud to himself, not wanting to let these worrying thoughts of his win. He channels back into his cravings, his need for what he dares not name. Steven giggles as he feels himself get back to his present, his nerves singing to him with the sharp burning pain he feels all over his body. Steven twitches, a hard tremble following right after as he goes to touch himself-

_ ‘No. You’re not allowed to touch yourself yet.’  
_

His eyes snap open as his image nation replicated Spinel’s voice perfectly to give him that mental verbal order, and he was surprised to find himself following it.

_ ’You drop and wasted the candle all over yourself, now you have to **pay.** Now, slap your disgusting dick.’ _

Steven moaned out loud as he followed the mental command with a swift strike to his cock. The effect was almost immediate, his entire body convulsing at the strike with a loud grunt that made his throat ache. The euphoria that followed right after though, that intoxicating frenzy sinking right into his very bones, made him giggle darkly.

_ ‘Stop laughing. I didn’t tell you to laugh, now did I **servant?’** _

Steven shuddered one more and whimpered out a helpless “No...”, checking over himself to find the cuts weren’t deep enough to get him to bleed forever, and they were already clogging up on their own.

_ ‘Oh, what a fucking shame. And it looks like you really wanted more blood too. Well you don’t GET to cut more, you’ve already got more than enough bloodshed. All that’s left to do now is get rid of the leftover blood inside your cock.’ _

Steven let out a long moan, clenching his hands tight as he felt his dick twitch. He imagined Spinel giving a annoyed huff, her eyes narrowing in disapproval at him. His hands and legs are tied down to the bed frame, and Spinel was in between his legs completely naked. She looks so beautiful, so slim, her hair still in their pigtails and looking soft to the touch, with marks on her face that showed her true pain, her true strength. She would be able to stop Steven, hold him down with just a glare alone if she wanted to.

Steven really couldn’t help that this fantasy was practically moving his hand to his dick, only he wasn’t thinking it was his hand anymore. No, it was Spinel’s.

Spinel was simply glaring at Steven with that unamused and still impression, posed on her knees and looming over him while she stretched her arm out to pump his cock just the way he liked. He knew he was only allowed to take it, and to simply moan his appraises while he looked up and down her body. Her beautiful perky breasts appearing between her gem, her pussy slightly glistening; just enough to indicate to Steven that she was still enjoying it just as much as he was. And yet she would just sit there, silently listening to him just so he would have no choice but to hear his own voice and his own breaths fill the room as she squeezed and pumped his cock.

Steven was hard pressed for his voice, it cracked as he thrusted into his own hand, desperate to feel Spinel’s touch; even though he knew deep down it was his own touch. The cuts reopened though from the harsh movements, the wax that long since dried up on his stomach cracking and pulling at his body hair with a harsh vigor. The different types of stinging made it even harder for Steven to breathe, getting him to gasp for air as he felt like he was soaring. He feels himself get closer and closer to the edge, and he begins to beg Spinel.

“Spinel....Spinel let me cum! Please let me cum!”

_‘What the fuck did you just call me?’_ She would growl, her eyes darkening.

“M-My Diamond! I’m sorry my Diamond, please let me cum, let me cum!”

Spinel simply smiles at him, the only thing she needed to do to give him permission.

Steven gasped as he came, a flash of white going through his vision as he tired to catch his breath. He rode it out with continues pumps, making sure to milk himself of every last drop of cum. When he finally came down from his high, he began to clean himself up. But then he froze, a sudden realization hitting him like a pile of bricks.

He just had a fantasy about Spinel. His first _real_ sex fantasy, other than him simply imagining that he was getting tied down and having what he craved. He bit his lip, nervously looking down at himself only to notice he was shaking. Yeah, he needs to heal himself quick.

He’s not going to think about it. He’s not going to think about how she’s now tied to this pain he cannot name.

——

When anger strikes it twists in you, it twists and twists and spins and spins until it leaves you dizzy or unconscious. Or at least, that’s how Spinel views it. It’s a dangerous and ugly thing that can destroy her from the inside out. It’s the cause of the streaks forever on her face and it’s the cause of her constant yearning to be a villain. But most of all, it was the cause of her being so hurt it caused her entire body to rip apart. She wants people to hurt just like her, to feel like she did, to be like she can be. She’s dangerous, lethal, toxic, and she hates it. 

Did Steven become the main cause of it?

She shook her head. No, she knows where it came from. From that disgusting form that Steven calls his mother. Something that is now a part of him. Can she take it and pull it part, that association of Steven with the likes of  her ? After that night, she doesn’t think she can. He hurt her, by tricking her into thinking that all of the pain she caused him was something he enjoyed.

What, did he think she was that stupid?

No...no. After she came back to the Diamonds she thought over everything that happened. She sat there and thought for the entire night, because apparently gems think the only thing she’s good for is to simply sit still, and to just be still whenever she isn’t needed. The Diamonds haven’t talked to her once since she came back, after they were assured she was ok. They didn’t even know where she went, because they immediately assumed she went back to that ‘filthy Earth’ to be with Steven and have a ‘play date’.

Well, at least they were partly right.

When Spinel went back into her old Diamond’s room that the Diamonds claim is hers now, she summoned a Peridot (since she’s now considered a ‘hierarchy gem’, even though there isn’t really a hierarchy to begin with, she can still summon gems to her will if they choose to help her.), to give her as much information about humans and how they worked as she could. She then stole the interface that the Peridot used, and used it to gather intel for her own personal interest. At first, she didn’t really know what she was looking up. ‘How do humans like stuff? How do humans enjoy things? What makes humans happy?’ She spent countless hours trying to come up with a way to word the question, and then one of the related search topics came up.

Human reproduction and sex.

It took Spinel two days to learn everything that she could possibly know. One day for the basics of sex, the anatomy, all of the terms she had to know and how orgasms worked and even the magic behind sensitive spots on a human body. The second day was used for what humans found attractive, and she found herself being caught in something called ‘kink.’ She looked deeper, only to find herself completely entranced in what humans called ‘BDSM’. 

This is it, she thought to herself.

This must be what Steven’s pain is. This, is now a pain she cannot name.

She then used the third day to perfect what she now knows what Steven was trying to get her to form that night: a vagina. But it was just a hole then, and now it’s something as detailed and precise as actual ‘pussies’ are. She made it nice and puffy as she thought it suited her, and then also gave herself some nice folds that wasn’t too tiny nor too messy. It was just enough to suckle on but not too much to get lost in. It was a darker pink then the rest of her pussy, matching her inner walls. However she decided to leave out the womb part, only allowing the entire thing to be ten inches deep. Her would be cervix nearly impossible for Steven’s penis to ever reach, just as she intended.

He wants her? He needs to fucking earn it. He wants to give her pleasure, and her much needed outlet, and craving for attention? Then he needs to prove to her that he’s more then just a fucking hybrid. She decided this as she ripped her gem out, and then inside of herself made a whole new form, with the pussy and some small breaths with perfect nipples that will nestle in between her gem. When she returned, her pigtails dropped down and were messier and longer, now meeting down to her lower back. She removed her shoulder pads, keeping her dark purple top. Her gloves are a matching dark purple leather that meet all the way up to her shoulders. She kept her pointed boots, making them a dark purple as well, getting them to meet right underneath her pants. Finally, her pants were no longer poofy and hugging to her form, they’re now the only thing on her that’s a hot pink.

He’s gonna earn it. He’s gonna have to  _ fucking _ earn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest assured, another chapter is gonna happen

**Author's Note:**

> ....Y'all this felt so fucking good to write. Seriously! I haven't gotten this dark since my Gumball Brat AU and even then I wasn't able to put in my love of writing fight scenes in it. I hope y'all enjoyed this insanity of fuckery!


End file.
